All I Want

It got me tonight. In the middle of the mess, getting frustrated with the tree, half my mind filled with things still undone and that feeling that I've forgotten Something Very Important, it got me.

But I want to start with the build up. Tonight my Niecely posted a pic of my Great Niecely in her just-fitted wedding dress.

Our gangly little girl is gone.
I cried.
She's a beautiful young woman. Not only is she leaving home, she's leaving the US.
I think the cats know something's up, I've never seen them both voluntarily in one shot before.

So after that meltdown, I resumed fluffing (that one's for you Stevil). One of the handbrakes on my walker broke and without them both keeping it in place when I sit down and lean forward it wants to go out from under me. Which makes it tricky to get down in those lower branches while maintaining one's seat. This is, I'm sure, building muscles and I'm sure I'll know which ones tomorrow.

Meanwhile, my friend Karen had put this on her fb page. Loveliness. I miss you, Freddie.

Then my brother and Mac called and I chatted with them for an hour or so. I finally got hungry. So while I made myself an entirely happy and unhealthy plate of chicken nuggets I played some holiday songs posted on www.greglake.com and started feeling it. While eating, I pulled up some other of my most- loved Christmas songs


and the one that turned 25 years old just a couple of days ago, that was "our song" the first Christmas I was married, in 1987

and of course


and a flashback to 1985, having Gin n Tonic Sundays at Bras and Girdles in the Village with Doug.

then it happened, a sort of giggle in my stomach, a little choke in the throat, a big smile with brimming eyes.
It's Christmas. Just when I thought I'd walk through the whole season without it, I got what I wanted most.