The Gratitudes for 2009

As fucked up as life can be with all its situations, there is still and always much to be thankful about this past year.



Starting with the beginning, thank Gods and all good things that we got rid of Georgie Bush. Even if Obama can't get anything done, we are not having that hateful little idiot representing us to the world.

Probably showing my age and hokiness here, but I'm simply thrilled that the world has Susan Boyle. Here's a woman who had lived 2/3rds of a lifetime, not a physical stunner, who'd lived all her life quietly, keeping a hope and honing an incredible talent. She got one opportunity to step out- and floored the world. Better than any Cinderella story. Her story is uplifting in a world of spirit-squashing. We got lucky when she stepped on that stage.

I could be wrong, often am, but something changed this year. Pinning it to a time, I'd say sometime around Samhain. Something elusive to describe, an energy, really. A phoenix energy. A lot of good has birthed and continues to be born, in the ashes of the last ten years. People became fired up in all that's happened, in many ways. There's more social consciousness now than I've seen since the 60s, and as much opposition to social progress as ever. There's a spiritual revival of many facets. And none of it is easy, nor peaceful. We live in a more violent world than it was, in some ways. But many stout hearts are emerging, too. The truly good and well-meaning are beginning to shine their lights. I'm not alone in feeling the shift in November, others have noted it to me before I said it. Things will get better.

This year brought a broader view to good old ecology, to tending our planet, to pointing up the unsustainable, toward localness and a different approach to local economies, too.

Goodness often comes with sacrifice and fighting; we just need to be unafraid. There's an amazing amount of good people in the world, given a chance. This year has uncovered some gems of humanity.

Speaking of good people, I'm gobsmacked at the amount of good people in my life. And every year I get to collect more while deepening the bonds with old pals. I'm a lucky old broad.

With all the health problems in my family, we remainders are all still here to see the holidays. And hopefully we'll all be here for next year's holidays.

Everyone I care about has a warm bed to sleep in, food to eat, drinkable water and clothes on their back. As far as I know, anyway. I think I'd know if not.

We've all made it through another year, most of us better, or at least deeper souls, for having lived it.

So here's to all the good that came of 2009, and all the good that will come of 2010.

If you're reading this, I probably love you, and I should tell you more often. That's my only new New Year Resolution. The old one, to have more fun, remains.

Find the zen in 2010!

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9 Days Til Santa

This morning is slow so I have a few minutes for an update.

People are encouraging me to develop "A Gimp's Guide to Life" into a book. I'm going to do it. I have 20-odd chapter subjects; it'll take a while but there are no other handbooks on surviving and enjoying life when disabled. We're a work related society, and those who are disabled are second-class citizens. It's about time somebody says something.

So, the first book will take a hiatus.

I'm ready for the holidays, though things aren't turning out as planned. Still, I'm 90% there and what will be will be in some areas.

It's been a month since giving up the wireless devices. There are no big glands left on my neck. The huge swelling on my clavicle decreased at the start but hasn't changed much since. I can feel the gland now amidst the swollen tissue and it moves at a finger touch. It all seems "looser" if that's the word, but it's still quite large. I attribute getting much more done to not having a phone attached to me in every hour of my life. I have slept better in the last month than in years. Strangely, perhaps coincidentally, I'm eating way less. Already I'm wearing clothes that were too tight last year this time. And I haven't changed eating habits in any conscious way. I feel less "stimulated" all the time, if that's the correct term. I'm liking all of this.

Making the Fake Tree Look Real

I'd had real trees for the last ten years but just can't do it anymore. The expense, struggle, mess, daily watering and clean up are beyond me now. So last year I bought a silk needled prelit tree. It's 6 1/2 feet tall, comes in three parts that fit together and stores in a rather small oblong box. Made in China like everything else these days, I bought it at the hardware store around the corner, Brown & Roberts. It was $29.99 USD. The real trees were going for about 7 bucks a foot, so I was happy to save a few dollars and figure this tree, with good care, may last me 20 years. It's well made. But right outta the box, it's plain ugly.

Here's where my physical limitations actually were a plus. Putting the tree together slowly meant getting a better look at how it's made. Little by little I straightened all the main branches out. The straight branches sticking out left gaps all over. So I began bending the branches. Turning the tips up looks more natural so I did that, too. Since I can't do anything for more than 15 minutes I took frequent breaks. I'd sit down and look at it, and plan what needed to go where. Then I bent some of the inner branches up toward the inside. I did it all over the tree, starting at the top, turning the tree, sitting in front of it, working level by level. It took 3 days in short sessions. I sat with only the tree lights on the third night, amazed that something that looked so lousy could look so good with a little time and patience. It was decorated in stages also, with help from friends, and ended up one of my best-looking trees ever.

My aide brought it out and stood it up in the living room yesterday. Today I'm working on it, sitting and staring, getting up and working a few branches. It'll probably take 4 or 5 days this year but I don't mind. The end result will be something to delight my eyes for a month.

Dr. Havas: The Microwave Sickness Article

Dr. Havas contacted me via this blog. I will be letting her know what happens over the next few months as I work toward reducing the waves in my life.

The gland on my clavicle is still there, but much smaller and "looser", for want of a better term. I continue to sleep well. In the last two weeks, my "full stomach" signal has returned. This is something I hadn't really noticed was gone until it reappeared.

In any event, Dr. Havas sent her website address, and when I gave it a look, saw that the article I was quoting is there in full:
http://www.magdahavas.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/DontStandinFrontoftheMicrowave.pdf

It's a pdf, as noted, and I'm glad is available for more people to read.

How Am I Thankful? Lemme Count the Ways

This has become my favorite holiday. A day to relax, take stock, eat my favorite foods and even watch a parade in my old hometown. Somehow, the cooking of Thanksgiving has never seemed like work to me. It's a magical meal. I guess having done it for so many years it's as though it puts itself together.

So yes, I'm thankful for our food, and the animals and the vegetables and the minerals that make it possible. ;)

I'm thankful for the people in my life. I'm thankful for a safe home with potable running water (even hot water!). I'm thankful for appropriate clothing and shoes. I'm thankful for a lively community. I'm thankful for my education, and all the things that have happened in my life to bring me to this point. I'm thankful for Brooks Library and the folks who work there. I'm thankful for my aides who help keep me rolling along. I'm thankful for all my projects and the ability to keep working on them. I'm thankful for all of life's lessons; they teach me to be able to help others. I'm thankful for the Earth that supports us, the Sun and Moon and Stars, the wonders of nature and science and religion. I'm thankful for my family and my forebears. I'm thankful for my heritage and uncovering history and still being able to think. I'm thankful for the progress of social justice and all those who work for it. I'm thankful for my computer and the internet, which have brought me new friends and information and entertainment and cultures I'd not have known otherwise. And which has made it so easy to become close to and keep up with all the lives I care about. I'm thankful for music and art that give me succor when I'm down. I'm thankful for people who make my spirit soar and my brain think. I'm thankful I have enough of everything to share and celebrate life. I'm thankful for life itself.

On this day of thanks I want to start making it a practice to be mindful of being thankful every day. I have so much to be thankful for every day, not just today.

Happy Thanksgiving.

A Friend in Grief

My friend Lise's Dad died Monday night. He was surrounded by those he loved when he passed, and it was expected, but it's still a hard thing for the loved ones to go through. My heart goes out to her and them all; I know she loved him very much. And now her Mom is a widow, which is a terrible grief.

Even if you've been thru a hundred deaths it doesn't lessen the blow of another one. Sometimes it brings each back, gathering deaths along its way like an avalanche. Even if you were on "Deathwatch" it doesn't lessen the impact of when it happens. Nothing can, especially when it's a very close loved one you've lost.

I do believe in learning curves; there are learning curves in every facet of life. But there are still things that stand alone despite experience; falling in love and deaths are in that category. Each death has a unique story with unique lessons to be learned in it. And every time I've been party to a death I've learned more about myself and those around me than anything metaphysical or spiritual. Sometimes those are things you'd rather have not known. Sometimes those are things you treasure and carry forever and make you value the people involved much more.

If there's one thing in life that is as constant as the sun and moon, it's death. You'd think one would get used to it, have a plan, have a way to deal that works for all deaths. Platitudes are useless to the newly bereft. In the fresh shock of loss, they're not even really heard. Aside from customs- like making food or offering an ear, we're all at a loss. Loss is loss. There's nothing can mend the void but time and to continue living.