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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Friend in Grief

My friend Lise's Dad died Monday night. He was surrounded by those he loved when he passed, and it was expected, but it's still a hard thing for the loved ones to go through. My heart goes out to her and them all; I know she loved him very much. And now her Mom is a widow, which is a terrible grief.

Even if you've been thru a hundred deaths it doesn't lessen the blow of another one. Sometimes it brings each back, gathering deaths along its way like an avalanche. Even if you were on "Deathwatch" it doesn't lessen the impact of when it happens. Nothing can, especially when it's a very close loved one you've lost.

I do believe in learning curves; there are learning curves in every facet of life. But there are still things that stand alone despite experience; falling in love and deaths are in that category. Each death has a unique story with unique lessons to be learned in it. And every time I've been party to a death I've learned more about myself and those around me than anything metaphysical or spiritual. Sometimes those are things you'd rather have not known. Sometimes those are things you treasure and carry forever and make you value the people involved much more.

If there's one thing in life that is as constant as the sun and moon, it's death. You'd think one would get used to it, have a plan, have a way to deal that works for all deaths. Platitudes are useless to the newly bereft. In the fresh shock of loss, they're not even really heard. Aside from customs- like making food or offering an ear, we're all at a loss. Loss is loss. There's nothing can mend the void but time and to continue living.

1 comment:

MoonRaven said...

Really true. Loss is loss. No platitudes can help.

All I can say is I am sorry to hear this, and I wish healing for you, Lise, and her mother.