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Saturday, July 20, 2013

Enter At Own Risk

So it's back. I did nothing, just stayed off blogger for a few days and voila! like magick, all's straightened out. At least I think it is. We'll see if this posts. I suppose I should be celebrating but it's too hot for hip-hoorays. Frankly, this last week has been a festival of menopause in Hell's basement. Stifling, humid and not made any better by the worrying and terrible current events or the general bitchiness of the clime. I can't even work up a good rant. And today, Helen Thomas' death threw me down the stairs.

RIP, scourge of Presidents. You did well.

In honor of Carlos Santana's birthday and this miserable heat wave that's kept my apartment at a toasty 85-93 degrees F for the last week:

My new Jesus sandals that were living under my desk (because my feet are too swollen to wear them) are out on the porch because they were soaking wet and growing mold.

I discovered that the acrid smell in my bathroom was mold, too, on the underside of the sweating toilet cistern tank. Lovely.

My little Hobbit hole has become a brick oven. We have no trees around this building. The Beest has taken to spending the days lying on the tile floor in the bedroom, the coolest spot in the house. She looks at me accusingly when I pass her. I comb and wipe her down with wet paper towels a couple of times a day. She will not use a litterbox that's more than 2 days old right now. I have to change her litter before she goes on strike and uses the floor. Hasn't affected her appetite any, and the vet said he's hearing of other cats going on litter strike in this heat wave. Should we run out and buy stock in litter companies? No of course not. None of us have money to gamble like rich people can.

For the past weeks the weatherbees have toyed with us. Touting cooler days to come like a carrot on a stick, they said it'd be over today. Then Sunday. Now it's Tuesday. At this rate I expect I'll be hanging Halloween decorations before the outdoors stops being like that Twilight Zone episode with Lois Nettleton.

Well. Aren't I the uplifting one? Strider recommended I put a sign on the door that says, "MENOPAUSE. ENTER AT OWN RISK AND WITH BOLD SENSE OF SELF." That sums it up. With things as they are, and all the awful that's gone on in the last weeks, I can do no better. There seem to be 3 speeds to me these days- weepy, bitchy and sardonic. I can't concentrate. I'm frustrated with my computer and my sudden problems typing. Facebook is a mindless distraction and a good place to commiserate with my fellow cranks. I haven't written my column in 3 weeks. Frankly, I can't even fake caring. All you can do when things are this miserable and discouraging is to hang on and hope things change.

Perhaps, if/when it cools, I'll be chipper-er. Not today.

Hang in there, everyone. x 


Anonymous said...

Some days life is a toilet that won't flush.

klahanie said...

*Knock* *Knock"

Hi Laura,

From one heatwave to another. Yes, that's right, it's been hot here for over three weeks, I say hello in my usual um chipper way!

Delighted you could actually put up a post. Although your other post was real easy to comment on!

With that, I shall quietly go back home...goodnight....

Gary :)

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

"A festival of menopause in hell's basement!". That was one of your best lines EVER. I am going to steal that one, Laura, it is just magnificent.

So very glad to see you back!!!!!!!

Geo. said...

Courage Madame! The heat is everywhere --heat always accompanies entropy! The degree of disorder in this system is increasingly obvious. I suggest indulging in FB sparingly. Everyone I know who subscribes is hacked twice as much as those who don't. As to cats, listen to Beest, whose sensitivity to strangeness far outstrips our own. None of the problems besetting us in this crucible has the slightest link to your current climacteric --that is my medical opinion and, although I have no medical training or useful knowledge, nothing can convince me I have not seen the truth...or a rather convincing illusion. Mirages, heat,it's 105F here. Help!

Elephant's Child said...

I am so very pleased to see you back - but more than a little sad that things have been so truly vile for you.
Hot weather sucks, and hot humid weather is (in my eyes) justification for rather a lot of antisocial behaviour.
My father told me that when the weather was unpleasant to follow the animals and see where they settle. Having found it, kick them out and take it over because it will be the most comfortable place in the house. He had a point. The Beest would find ways to make you pay if you did though...

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

It's hard to stay perky when it's so freaking hot. Hang in there, kiddo. Sit in a bathtub of cool water and eat a box of Popsicles, maybe? Heck, I'd be tempted to SLEEP in a tub of cool water if the house were that hot. Here's to a nice cool wave.

Twisted Scottish Bastard said...

Wow, I didn't realise it was so hot up there.

Could I recommend more ice-cold beer?