To me, this year is impossible. A mess. A joke. A horror movie. A very long stress test.
Here we are a month later, and I'm still in The Shire. That 2 week notice didn't pan out, and after seeing the place, hallelujah. I'd have been backing my walker 5 feet down a narrow hallway to get to the bathroom. Still, I was told I'd be moved by the end of September. I gave my objections in an email to the head honcho and the bimbo in charge of this fiasco. Then I received a reply saying they'd have a real wheelchair-happy place open soon and I should expect to move the first week of October. Today I got an email saying I'll be moved toward the end of October. So it goes.
Yes, a wheelchair is in my near future. My legs are both bad, my arms are flagging their surrender to nerve problems. The nerve and joint pain is so bad I only sleep 4 hours or so a night. I can barely stand now, and can't get in the shower. I can deal with not showering; there are such things as washcloths and baby wipes. I've been homeless twice and couldn't shower for weeks on end, so I'm not freaking out. But this time it's different, I have a shower, just can't get into it without help. With Gal Friday changing to being an independent contractor, I only see her 3.5 hours a week now, and that's just enough to keep the house from disgusting nastiness and Beest and me from plague and famine. So I've applied for a higher amount of help, and am waiting for that evaluation to happen next week. I'll still keep Gal Friday, since she's been here all along and is qualified to be a health aide. The prospect of needing help to shower is humiliating and makes me cry, but that's life. This is requiring a whole new level of toughness, and I have very little support as friends drift away on their own seas of troubles. I never would've thought that I'd be such a trainwreck before I'm even 60.
Never would've thought that Liz Taylor would be an inspiration, either.
Life is full of surprises.
I'm hoping your surprises are happy ones.
x
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10 comments:
I am so sorry.
And some of those issues are looming closer in my future as well.
Stubborn as stains helps a bit. But not enough.
Hugs.
I'm so glad you found the strength to demand proper accommodation for yourself. But how frustrating....it's like everything else...hurry up and wait. I can imagine it is upsetting to you to think of having someone help you with bathing and so many other things. It would sure as heck bug me no end. It comes to most of us eventually I guess but certainly nothing to be looking forward to. Still, you have some measure of independence yet Laura...your own space is a big plus. I hope for better things for you in the future...of some respite from the troubles plaguing you. Good thoughts coming from this direction.
The reason Liz Taylor's quote is such an effective bit of inspiration is because it sounds like something YOU would say. (And most assuredly reflects your overall attitude.) I hate that you're having all of these problems, girl. I'm sending all kinds of positive energy your way.
I was serious about emailing me your new address when you move. :)
"...a whole new level of toughness" indeed. Your strength astonishes me, Laura. High hopes then for October, a magical month --not that I'm at all superstitious but I never sleep 13 in one bed on a Friday night, not again anyway. My best wishes for a happy resolution to your housing progress. Don't let up on them.
Reading this, my heart hurts for you, dear Laura. I pray that you get into a place that will suit your needs. How I wish that I could help.
EC-Stubborn as stain has its merits. Whatever life throws at it, we'll handle it. Hugs back at you.
Lawless- Thanks dear, it really is hurry up and wait. I'm hoping that the changes will be good in the end. It's going through them that's the hard part. Everything has an end, even bad stuff. :)
Sus- You're good at getting me teary. Thanks, kiddo. I'll send my address.
Geo- Your unending support keeps me buoyed. And your humor is a medicine. 13 in a bed is a bit unlucky for the spare one! I'll give them all the hell they can stand. ;)
Arleen- You do help. Knowing my blog family still cares means much more than I can say (without getting all weepy again). You've all been here with me through so much. I love you guys.
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