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Friday, August 27, 2010

Ugly Realizations

OK, as soon as you're fifty, everything falls to the ground, your face becomes unrecognizable to yourself and even your hair betrays you. That all given, it's bugging me how freakin ugly and strange a lot of my gen's idols are growing. It's bad enough that Robin Williams and Bono are looking alike but holy crap I saw Bruce Jenner the other day and he looks like my HS piano teacher after her bad facelift at age 70.

There seem to be 3 categories in aging men. Those who start looking like old ladies (you know who you are), those who look like a Shrinky-Dink or funhouse version of themselves, and the truly frightening to behold. Kirk Douglas, Keith Richards, Elvis at the end and Mr. Perkins, a local, fall into the third category. These are people whose countenance strikes a particular fear muscle in older folk's elimination systems, which loosens and activates the urinary tracts. That is why I'm sure that any home that watches old rock star reality series will smell pissy. Like an old folks' home. And heads therein will smell like old people's heads, from said inhabitants running pissy hands thru unsuspecting heads of hair.

Women are not immune to this at all. As Dee Snider said, "Used to be a 38DD, now a 38 Long." Also, women seem more prone to the aging-all-at-once-syndrome. Where she looked like she was in her late 30s til her 40s ran right up and through her with a 60-year-old's face and slapped her down. Those unfortunates to whom this happens (Rod Stewart was one) may stay with that 60-y.o.'s face until extreme age turns them into what can only be called The Cryptkeeper Face. This is the last face you'll have if you should live so long and I'm thinking, you'll probably be glad to not have to see yourself much longer, looking like that.

Not that aging, per se, is bad. It's great to know how to deal more than you ever did, and more than anyone younger. You may offer some ideas or cautions here and there but that can get old fast. And after a while you just shut up and watch, because they won't listen to you anyway, and it's pearls before, etc. You start catching yourself thinking old people thoughts ("Nobody says Thank You anymore. These people have no manners. And plain old bread costs 4 bucks a loaf now! My mother would tell them to shove it! Remember when you could get a half-gallon of milk, a pack of cigarettes and a daily paper for a dollar?", etc.) Of course, adults all smoked then, and we were their slaves who ran to the corner store and bought their tobacco and even beer without anyone saying "Boo", and made quick of it or we'd get shit for it. We were raised so differently to the way kids come up now. Kids have rights now. Agencies will be called. In the Victorian mindset we labored under, there were no rights, no agencies, and no safe houses. I sometimes wonder if that wasn't a better way. We grew up sharp and independent with few illusions of entitlement or safety. I wonder how the youngers who grew up punching cereal boxes sans correction and discipline will deal with life. Go psycho with frustration that in the real world they can't do whatever the hell they want? Will they expect their bosses and mates to say, "Please honey, we don't do that...please, stop?"

See? I sound like an old lady.

I'm just hitting a point where I realize it's useless to bitch about the inevitable, so I wanted to get this all outta my system before it all becomes more things I recognize and ignore. Really, it all started because of Jimmy Page, so blame him.

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