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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Old Ties, New Tries

For whatever reason, the last few weeks have brought a number of people I haven't had contact with in decades back into my life. Quite a few are through one particular person, and I have to wonder why and why now- but there are no answers. Lots of questions though.

There are epochs in my life that I can encapsulate and reduce to an all-inclusive diorama in my head. But not with this group of folks; the tentacles go in very many directions, thru many years, even including the only lately acquainted. I don't know what to make of it all. I'm a very different person than I was 20 or 30 years ago and assuming so is everyone else. Is this a second chance, a way to repair or unkarma ourselves or just all coincidence? How come Herman is the center, when he's been dead for 18 years already? Should I ask the questions or wait & see if the answers become evident? Really, there are several I don't want to ask but want the answers...

In it all I'm somewhat intimidated and don't know where that fear comes from. Funny, because I think of myself as a pretty fearless person. This free-floating anxiety has to be coming from somewhere... is it intuitive and a survival instinct kicking in, telling me not to grab that torch and go back into that cave? That I can't dig it out of my guts and look at it bugs me. And it is a gut level kind of thing. But is it real or just the shock- like when JP showed up at my job out of nowhere and many years' absence?

Or is it the people involved- and then not really "the people", but 1 person- that's got me so off kilter? Well, I think in writing this I've pinned it, but not wholely. I just keep asking, "Why?" Perhaps I'll just shut up and see what happens.

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