Last night I listed a bunch of things to do to get going on my Xmas. There are projects that have turned difficult, clutter I need to clear...the usual. But I went to sleep fairly cheerfully looking forward to this morning and getting things done. It was a different story by 11 a.m. today, and got progressively worse all day. Now I don't care if Christmas comes or I do anything, and really, fuck it all. Wouldn't be the first Christmas I sat alone staring at the TV.
This comes after a daylong string of very bad news, poisonous people, whinging from people whom I don't see as having a right to whine (if you have all the necessities and much more than you need, healthy family and good health yourself... shut the fuck up), unbelieveable crap from the ripoff artists at Comcast and general disregard from others. Under the pressure of truly terrible things happening in my family, I don't give a flying fuck about minor BS. I want to beat the shit outta someone. It's been a long time since I threw a punch, but damned if I wouldn't kill myself beating the holy hell outta someone-anyone- right now.
Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight and feel better about it all tomorrow, but right now I feel used and abused and bankrupt in every way. Makes it tough to be merry. Maybe I just won't talk to anyone tomorrow, and try to get my Jingle Bells back...
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