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Thursday, February 14, 2013

This Week's Theme

Yes, this week has Valentine's Day in it. Always seemed weird that a martyr would be the symbol of romance, but that's humanity for you. These days, people even blame Chaucer for everything..

Anyhoo, some people seem to believe I'm an anti-romance cynic. So I'm here to say that's not true. I simply am, at the moment, free of a romantic relationship so I can say what I think about love and relationships, which you never really can do while a significant other is still significant. And I wanna get this outta the way before VD is over.

The Big Love of my life is dead, and has been for 18 years. There have been many others since, and lots of different sorts of loves. I never knew of any romantic sort but the "I'm in love, let's marry" sort of love until after I'd been married. But there are many sorts of romantic loves. There are those that are only physical affairs, and those where the other feels much more than you do, and then there are those lovers who weave in and out of your life, and those who are loves in every way but physical. Who's to say which is "best" or most worthy of celebrating?

Then there's being single. In being single and not wanting to couple up anymore, I grew to understand and really really like being single. Did you know there are some of us who actually like not being half of a couple? There really are! Who knew!? And ya know what?  Not wanting to depend on or answer to anyone else, or have anyone answer to us, isn't a character flaw. Not craving or needing romantic love doesn't make me a freak or a bad person. Because I despise romance novels and Lifetime and other "womens" programming doesn't mean I'm less of a woman. There are those who can't live without it, but there are plenty who can, or don't give a rat's ass either way. I was raised to think my Uncle Bert was sorta weird for never marrying. Well, ya know what, he was busy paying my cousin's- his brother's son's- child support. And living with, supporting and caring for my Nana, who lived to be 95ish, while his brothers married and had children. Growing up certainly gives you a different perspective from what you were raised to think. For some people, the Big Love of their life is the life they lead and the people who need them.

Romance, like all intoxicants, has its place. It's popular amongst those who like it. It has fabulous possibilities, terrifying chasms, catapults and drama galore. So if you like all that, balloons and whipped cream to you. After all these years I've realized it was a bill of goods sold to me and not what I want for myself. If it was, I'd be out there looking for it right now. I had it once. I'm glad I had it once but I'm not living to find another half. I'm quite whole on my own.

But don't let my disinterest disrupt your arrow-firing. Happy Valentine's Day.


Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

There are all kinds of ways to love people and the romantic one is the hardest and most complicated. If it is good, respectful, and fun, then it is perfect. If it is not, you are better off with a dog.

Anonymous said...

We took our Valentines out to dinner tonight....while we waited for our dinner I taught the wee man how to plan x's and o'x....the tiny lass taught me a finger song and their momma thanked us for feeding them so she didn't have to cook. All in all...a successful Valentine's Day here at thefeatherednest.

Geo. said...

Love is an enigma I've never solved, but caring is something I learn more about every time I visit this blog. I'm not big on VD either, but I wish they'd bring back Lupercalia.

Munir said...

When I asked my Mom if my husband loves me more or do I love him more. She said that if I have to ask, he probably loves me more than I love him.
I think that romance is something very private. Also there are degrees and kinds of romance.
One of my uncles never got married. He said that he was good by himself. So be happy however you want to live.

klahanie said...

Hi Laura,

Ah yes, Valentine's Day. I enjoyed my Valentine's Day, if you like being sideways on a bed and somebody like swiftly on.

What's love got to do with it...I rather like being alone. Besides, when I was married what was mine was hers and what was hers was hers.

Now then, where the hell did I shove that arrow. Good old Cupid, eh.


Susan Flett Swiderski said...

There's all kinds of love, and with the way you care about your family and friends, I'd say your cup runneth over. In spite of what popular literature would have you believe, nobody needs a romantic love to be a "whole" person. You, my dear, are already whole.

Austan said...

Arleen- yes, the dog is always a safe bet.

Austan said...

Lawless- your Valentines are the best kind.

Austan said...

Geo.- Happy late VD anyway dear, and yes, we must work on bringing back Lupercalia. They've ruined it!

Austan said...

Munir- you seem to have the whole thing down well. I say, if it makes you happy, keep it going!

Austan said...

Gary- yup, that's pretty much how I feel about it.

Austan said...

Susan, thank you for that. In a world that pushes one to feel odd for being single, it's nice to hear someone say it.