Here we are in 2013. Feel any differently? No? Neither do I. Except that it's remarkably silent around here, you can see the road and footpaths clearly today, and Fecebook is so busy that I can't stand it, it could be any Winter day.
The only passage of time I'm noticing is my own age. Stevil took some pix at our 2nd Xmas on Sunday. I'd put on a mobcap, and suddenly there I was looking like Angela Baddeley in "Upstairs Downstairs".
How did this happen? When did I turn from a Stevie Nicks into an Angela Baddeley? And when did things begin to annoy me? When was the last time I wore makeup? When did I stop caring about the Times Square bash? How many years have I been sober on New Year's Eve now? My gods, I'm old! Ack!
Well yes, it's better than the alternative. On most days. Maybe. But really, life goes by as we gallop through the details doing all the daily things and suddenly you're not who you think you are in your head. You're Angela Baddeley. Or your mother. The list of "things I can't do anymore" grows and you become inventive at doing anything you still do just to make them still do-able. You try to be graceful and not grieve too much at these losses. Everyone goes through it if they live long enough. You're not unique. There's still enough Episcopalian in me to shame myself for self-pity. Meanwhile the losses list keeps growing, and it pisses me off. Because I'm a Viking! and a Highlander, and that's what we do. Get pissed off.
Then you sit there all pissed off for a while and it gets funny. I'm friggin Angela Baddeley! Hahahah! When I was young I always wondered what I'd look like at this age. Could be worse. I could've ended up looking like poor Judy Garland, whose age at death I passed years ago. "Youth's a blast but it don't last", says Rod, rapidly becoming a caricature of himself. Even my adored Greg isn't the Adonis he was. That's got to be really tough, to lose looks like that. So who am I to bitch?
We've got a new year. Another chance to get it right. A blank page to write on, or to make a work of art. That doesn't change. And it's probably why we mark the occasion anyway. Because whatever we are, whatever we have, when we get another chance we ought to take it.
Happy 2013. May your new year bring you wonderful things to fill your page. Just remember- you hold the pen.
Out of the Cave and Swatting at Gnats
4 days ago