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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Brave New Year

Here we are in 2013. Feel any differently? No? Neither do I. Except that it's remarkably silent around here, you can see the road and footpaths clearly today, and Fecebook is so busy that I can't stand it, it could be any Winter day.

The only passage of time I'm noticing is my own age. Stevil took some pix at our 2nd Xmas on Sunday. I'd put on a mobcap, and suddenly there I was looking like Angela Baddeley in "Upstairs Downstairs".


How did this happen? When did I turn from a Stevie Nicks into an Angela Baddeley? And when did things begin to annoy me? When was the last time I wore makeup? When did I stop caring about the Times Square bash? How many years have I been sober on New Year's Eve now? My gods, I'm old! Ack!

Well yes, it's better than the alternative. On most days. Maybe. But really, life goes by as we gallop through the details doing all the daily things and suddenly you're not who you think you are in your head. You're Angela Baddeley. Or your mother. The list of "things I can't do anymore" grows and you become inventive at doing anything you still do just to make them still do-able. You try to be graceful and not grieve too much at these losses. Everyone goes through it if they live long enough. You're not unique. There's still enough Episcopalian in me to shame myself for self-pity. Meanwhile the losses list keeps growing, and it pisses me off. Because I'm a Viking! and a Highlander, and that's what we do. Get pissed off.

Then you sit there all pissed off for a while and it gets funny. I'm friggin Angela Baddeley! Hahahah! When I was young I always wondered what I'd look like at this age. Could be worse. I could've ended up looking like poor Judy Garland, whose age at death I passed years ago. "Youth's a blast but it don't last", says Rod, rapidly becoming a caricature of himself. Even my adored Greg isn't the Adonis he was. That's got to be really tough, to lose looks like that. So who am I to bitch?

We've got a new year. Another chance to get it right. A blank page to write on, or to make a work of art. That doesn't change. And it's probably why we mark the occasion anyway. Because whatever we are, whatever we have, when we get another chance we ought to take it.

Happy 2013. May your new year bring you wonderful things to fill your page. Just remember- you hold the pen.

12 comments:

Lisa said...

This is definitely a year of change! I'm ready for the fight - and a fight it will be. Who said '13 is an unlucky number? BAH! It's going to be a great year!! :D

Geo. said...

Uh oh. Now you've done it. I'm beginning to look a lot like Angela Baddeley too.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Happy New Year! Whew! We made it to another one. The best way I know to not worry about how I look is to avoid mirrors. (The damned things lie, anyway.)

Austan said...

Niecely! Yes, it's going to be a wild ride! Yay!

Austan said...

Geo.- You're still a handsome guy, however old you get.

Austan said...

Susan- They do, the bastids! And I'm going to avoid photos from here on, too. Who needs the lying creeps!?

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Some days I look like my father and other days I look like my grandmother but most days I feel like my great great great grandmother. At least I'm still feeling.

MoonRaven said...

Time to channel your Viking and your Highlander, along with your ability to laugh. We have work to do. As you said, '...when we get another chance we ought to do something with it.' I got a card once that said "Old age is not for sissies."

So let's take what we've got and move on to another year. Let's make it a good one.

Happy New Year to you!

The Elephant's Child said...

I am looking more and more like my mama. Which given the difficulties I had with her, scares and annoys me. And if I catch sight of myself in store windows I don't recognise myself, then do and shudder.
So I stay away from mirrors and windows.
And I hear you on inventive (and ingenious) ways of doing that which can no longer be done. My best to date? Throwing a pumpkin I could not cut onto the back deck. It shattered beautifully and gave me the pumpkin curry I wanted, relieved my frustration and also made me laugh. A triple win.
Happy New Year to you. And many of them.

Austan said...

Lawless- I never knew 3 of my blood grandparents, Nana died when I was 7, and nobody in my gen has lived past 63 so far. And it's not like we were a chatty family, so I don't know how this goes. I'm just avoiding looking at myself now on.

Austan said...

Moony- That's it. We have to Make it. Wishes and hopes aren't enough anymore. Do all the little good things we can, though, and see what happens. Boy am I gonna need sleep.
x

Austan said...

EC! I know! What gets me is this flashback thing, because I've grown this mole beside my nose that is exactly like my mother's, and I remember being a little girl, staring at that mole when she yelled at me. Then she's dead for 15 years, and her mole appears- on my face?!!

Hahah!!! I love the pumpkin story! I'm also exploring the "Gravity is Your Friend" deal to get things done, like drop a bag of ice, or frozen veggies, to break them up. If you drop something you didn't mean to drop, step back away from it. Always plan on which way to fall if you feel you're going down and control it if possible. And- Protect your head (this is where hammy Scandinavian arms come in use).
I don't have illusions but I feel like this year will be a good explosion. Happy 2013 EC! Don't you go away anytime soon. Or at all.