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Saturday, March 10, 2012

Hospital Chart Funnies

I was sent this years ago and sent it to a friend who used it on his site. It bears repeating. We all can use a laugh these days.


· The patient refused autopsy.
· The patient has no previous history of suicide.
· Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
· She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
· Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side or over a year.
· On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
· The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
· The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
· Discharge Status: Alive but without permission.
· Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
· Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
· She is numb from her toes down.
· While in ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
· The skin was moist and dry.
· Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
· Patient was alert and unresponsive.
· Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
· She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
· I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
· Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
· The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
· Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
· Skin: somewhat pale but present.
· The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
· Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

And along the health lines, my southern neighbor Sarcastic Test Guy has found sugar to be nasty, too!


The Elephant's Child said...

My partner is going into hospital next week for major surgery. I think I will take these in a few days later. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Those charts must have been written after a VERY long shift.

Austan said...

EC- Good luck. Let us know how it goes. I'm glad it came along in time to be useful. And I hope your partner has a speedy recovery.

Austan said...

Lawless- They crack me up every time I read them. :D