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Saturday, March 10, 2012

Hospital Chart Funnies

I was sent this years ago and sent it to a friend who used it on his site. It bears repeating. We all can use a laugh these days.

ACTUAL ENTRIES FROM HOSPITAL CHARTS!

· The patient refused autopsy.
· The patient has no previous history of suicide.
· Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
· She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
· Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side or over a year.
· On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
· The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
· The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
· Discharge Status: Alive but without permission.
· Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
· Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
· She is numb from her toes down.
· While in ER she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
· The skin was moist and dry.
· Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
· Patient was alert and unresponsive.
· Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
· She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
· I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
· Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
· The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
· Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
· Skin: somewhat pale but present.
· The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
· Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

And along the health lines, my southern neighbor Sarcastic Test Guy has found sugar to be nasty, too!
http://sarcastictestguy.blogspot.com/2012/03/just-too-damn-tired-and-by-way-most.html

4 comments:

The Elephant's Child said...

My partner is going into hospital next week for major surgery. I think I will take these in a few days later. Thank you.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

Those charts must have been written after a VERY long shift.

Austan said...

EC- Good luck. Let us know how it goes. I'm glad it came along in time to be useful. And I hope your partner has a speedy recovery.

Austan said...

Lawless- They crack me up every time I read them. :D