It's not as furnacelike as yesterday was but it's still too much like Dog Days for my liking.
Good memories of days like this involving drugs that are no longer available and doing things that aren't done anymore come to mind. Those relatively careless days when the drear of responsibilities were overshadowed by the plans for the night, back when we lived for fun. I think that's the major difference in me. Doing what had to be done was just a minor inconvenience- a job, housework, exercise, eating- all of that was never the center of my life, for years and years. I barely cared if or where I ended up sleeping. There wasn't an issue of what was doable because it all was.
And there were fantastic perks to the Summer. Concerts all the time. Little ones in the borough parks with upcoming bands. Giant ones in Madison Square Garden and the Nassau Coliseum and sometimes in Central Park. Street bands on corners you'd join in with and wail for a couple of hours. Clubs and bars overflowing with singing and dancing people. Some nights we'd just sit in a park and play and sing with each other, our little crowd. Heaven, that was. The other things I loved, reading and cooking and art, were mostly put away until the Summer's last hurrahs. Summer was its own world. Music, friends, partying, cruising, amusement parks (even the ones created in your head by certain substances), adventures. These were the important things. What the Summer night held was magic. It was hot in every sense of the word.
Now in 2012 the things that matter are bodily comfort, counting every penny, doing what must be done and not making more pain. It's all about responsibility, all day and all night. Fun? Well I had a great time in April. A legendary time. It was weeks before that wore off. Music? I can put on some tunes and listen, as long as it's not loud or the neighbors will bitch. There aren't people to make music with anymore. Not that you can do that here, either. Hanging out? The over-50 crowd doesn't do that much. I've been trying to put together one little hangout session for 3 months. The July 4th Post-Parade Party will bring the gang together but most everyone will be resting and eating before going to the fireworks at night. It's nice and I'm looking forward to it, but it's a lukewarm thing.
So rising from that dreary beige world is my mission. There's a lot I can't do, but there's a lot I can do. Every time I surface from the day to day blahness of existence my spirits fall at what little fun there is anymore. Screw that. Who knows what it'll be or how to do it but I'm working up a new design for living and it's gonna be hot.
The Door Is Ajar.
6 days ago