Hildie and the Angry Itch

Hildebeest still itches. I have changed almost everything in the house and her life. Even the floorwash. Now it's time for direct action.

Since getting a pill down her throat is a life-risking manouevre and she won't eat if it's in her food, there are two options. A steroid shot that may turn into a series, or going topical. The shot is, in my opinion, a last resort. I really hate steroids. So now it's the question of how to soak her in good ol' plain Listerine. Yes, Listerine.

Without sounding like an advertisement, Listerine has a bajillion uses, one of them being ending dandruff and itch. I learned that back when I worked on a farm. It's non-toxic, and its nasty taste is a deterrent to the biting and chewing, just in case that's a neuroses she's developed (they do, the vet said, it becomes a habit).

How to get it on her, especially in the spots she chews (the back of her hind legs, her tail) and scratches obsessively (her ears) is the problem. This cat has a good memory and doesn't give many chances for repeat performances. I don't want to trap her under a milkcrate and pour it on (which is what the farmer did and the vet okayed) though that seems the safest way to avoid those fingerknives and get her covered in it. Somehow that just seems cruel to me. I could soak a towel and wrap her in it but she's a squirrely thing and there's no telling how much would get on her while I'm getting my arms shredded. Maybe I could put it in a squirt bottle and zap her, but that's her nemesis and only used when she's doing something wrong. Though I suppose chewing herself comes under the heading of wrongdoing.

Suggestions are welcome. How would you soak a cat down with Listerine?