If one must have a label, as most people demand these days, I guess I'm a Secular Humanist more than anything, though I reserve the right to honor Thor. Jesus, the Buddha, Lao Tsu, Mohammed are all good examples of what humans should aspire to be. Honor, respect, yes, I can do that. Worship, join their cult, live by what men have hypocritically conscripted and give their cults money and power over me? Not so much. That's where they all lose me.
Though I love the old church music and spent many years in those vestments singing those music pieces, it was always for the beauty of the music, not for the worship. Worship is, to me, just stupid. From childhood I equated the construct of what the organized religions taught to be as the imaginary friend. The old man in the sky theory was always a fairy tale to me. On the level with the other heroes. Not to be taken verbatim. Not the boss of me. For one thing, I didn't want some being who was so mean but was supposed to be love as the center of my life. It eas just patently idiotic. Didn't go over well in Sunday School to say these things, but I couldn't take it seriously. And my Mother believed it all and I knew she was crazy, so that was my conclusion. Being religious= nuts.
As I grew older and read more, like Fr. Chinoquy's 50 Years in the Church of Rome, I became more dissuaded. The acts of the Christian empire sickened me. So did the acts of the Islamic empires, the various Pagan empires, and pretty much all of the organized religions. They all sucked and still do. Organized religions are all about power over people, and can go fuck themselves.
Which isn't to say I disrespect the philosophies they espouse. At the heart of most faiths is a desire to be a good person. That is the most laudable, most noble quest that humans can take on. If it all stopped there, without the dogmas and bullshit, I'd be one of the flock. But it doesn't. There's such a thing as evangelism, which is despicable and I'm sure the basis of all bad things. It leads to self-assured pompousity and the delusion of the right to persecute others, which are so anti-Christ, so anti-Muhammed, so anti-human, so damned wrong that nothing justifies it. Evangelism kills. I hate it.
I so wanted to be a nun as a child. The idea of devoting your life to others and to making the world a place of love so attracted me. And I loved the uniform! But no, there was all this Bride of Christ dogma you had to swear to, these church limitations, this patriarchal stagnant order of total mindless obedience. Couldn't do that. I tried at 19 and ran away. Not long ago I thought I could work around all that and subliminate things for the greater good- but they don't take gimps. How hypocritical is that? What would Jesus think of that? The organizations carrying his name reject people who can't walk? That ended my church thoughts for once and all.
For many years in the interim I was a practicing Pagan. But the organizations around that were also agenda-ridden. So I went solitary and kept Thor just because I like him. He protects humans, is truthful and is upfront undependable unless you meet his small demands, which don't include worship, just understanding and keeping your word. That's a God I can understand. You promise something, you carry through, he'll help. A good honest deal. If I have to have a God, and I seem to, Thor's the one.
I figure if it does no harm to anyone else and makes me happier, why not? I just want to live and let live without persecution from someone else's evangelism. I don't desire that they think what I think (though I think their beliefs may be dangerous), why should they give a rat's ass what I think? And what makes them think they're entitled to shove their beliefs down my throat? Oh don't get me started.
There are many Atheists now. That's fine. I don't really care cuz it's not my business. It just seems a bit sad to me that we've lost so much magick in the world already, and living in an only practical five-sensate world is a colourless place. But I could well be wrong. Maybe it will be better without our imaginary friends and unseeable forces.
Back Once More
13 hours ago