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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Detoxlog some number +3

Well well. Just when I thought it was going pretty smoothly...

The brain is a wondrous mechanism. It does regenerate, contrary to pop culture belief, but oddly and in its own damn time. It also controls pretty much everything going on in your body. So it stands to reason that when it's happily rebuilding itself it's going to ignore some things in order to get others done. What seems most ignored right now are my digestive system and ability to sleep. I'm thinking it's because I've stepped down to 10 mgs a day.

Good news- the head wee-wahs seem permanently gone. It's been 4 days since having them. Bad news- nothing, even cheese, stays in my system for more than a half-hour. And I can't sleep more than 3 hours at any time. It's a lot like when I was in the first week. Except I'm a lot more aware and conscious. I truly have little memory at all of the first week. Glad I've been blogging my heart out, because this is the record for the book. I'm going to just put it together as is for a section I'll call "The Detoxlog Days". It's a bit scary to do, to tell the truth. I'm being completely honest throughout this process, standing bald here in print, recording all. God knows how it looks to anyone not detoxing. But I can't think about that because what this is is my reality in the hardest thing I've ever done, kicking opiates after 4 years of daily use. This is harder than deaths and losing your material goods.

Things I've learned so far- masking pain doesn't work in the long term; kicking dope is Hell; the detox process is unpredictable so bone up on your zen abilities. You'll need to be able to stay in every moment as much as possible; at all risks, keep your humor close by because you sure won't make thru it without one; run to your comfort and hug it close. For me, that's music and art- for you who knows, but use it as much as you need to, whatever it is; and don't do what I did in being a fucking iron-headed Viking and going cold turkey and risking death. Get real help. I would never do that again knowing what I know now. That was brash and foolish, as most things done in a stubborn fit are. But it could've and should've been done the right way.

Enough for now. I'm going to go see how our sisters and brothers who are fighting for their freedom are doing.

Here's a bit more Billy for your daily requirement:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQrguc6q90k

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