Ah, so here's where the dopesickness creeps in. When I was a kid, there were heroin posters in all guidance counselors' offices (I spent a lot of time in there observing those decors). Black and white, with a typical seductress/sorceress robed in black and a poem wrapped around the page... something that ended, "and you are mine forever". Well right now, if she bathed me, wrapped me in blankets, sat beside my bed and spoonfed me custard forever I wouldn't mind it. I got nothing but a few words that are elusive to grab, an all-over to-the-core sickness and a new understanding of when my junkie friends said they were sick..
Oh. People. Don't take the opiate meds. They should be reserved for the End. They do little else but take you away from yourself, anyway. The point will come when you can't get enough to get out, and that's when hell starts- you're taking these meds but the pain's no less, and your body always wants more. If you get to the place where you know you have to stop, you're gonna go thru what I am now in some form. I didn't think it would keep going on like this, really. I didn't think when I was practially begging my dr for pain relief that all this would ensue. I didn't know. but jesus I do now.
I'm also quite sure that the pharmas can do better than this for pain management; they're just too happy making bundles off our misery as is.
We get drugged for everything- being unhappy, being too happy, whatever the fuck they can construe of a new patentable formula, they'll find a need for it. But the real needs- how about the cure for cancer? where'd that rhetoric go? what about all the bajillions of bucks in research? what'd they turn out? diabetes still kills, and now some of the "new" meds for it kill you faster than the lack of pancreatic function. Where's that AIDS vaccine? Hell, the multishot vaccines that scarred our baby arms didn't even last. It's a nest of lies, proudly spouted by the pharmas so we keep depending on them to do something. And we blindly trust.
I'm a pretty strong person but this is kicking my ass up around the corner and back to the cellar door. I'll never judge anyone for going into rehab again. If you have any thought you should go, do it. Run. I really don't want anyone I love or even care the merest for to go thru what I'm in right now. There is no peace here, not for a second.
2 days ago