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Sunday, February 27, 2011

The New Reality: Pain

For a couple of days I've been meaning to address this. But so much keeps happening this February! Jesus!

Pain is back and worse than I recall it was when this all started. Of course, it's 4 years later and our illustrious health system has done nothing about the Cause for all these years. Part of that is my fault, for being shell-shocked and then drugged, and for having the audacity to live.

So where this all leads is, is to how to live with the pain. I'm dealing with it by just acknowledging it's there and ignoring it as much as possible. Anything can be gotten used to. Oh yeah, sometimes it's a damn hot furnace in my hip. Or my back, or leg, or whatever. But I don't have to let it effect anything else about me, do I?

Also, by chance, I'm moving next month and so I don't have to stretch the LIHEAP grant over 3 months now, just 2. So I turned the heat up to 68' and it feels so toasty in here that even my muscles are more relaxed. There's a huge difference between 55 and 68.

Aside from that, I'm giving my body time to adjust. There's gonna be a time really soon when The Push will be on, but it's not today. We and pain will be together forever, so I might as well get used to it. But I damn near took myself out a couple weeks back, and I'm an old bitch, so it takes a little time to heal now. The NSAID I take will just have to be enough. I'll try to stay as humored as possible, focus on goals and treat the pain as an annoyance. It's controlled my life for way too long. Pain doesn't get personhood in my queendom. I'm not losing another minute of my life to it if I can help it. But you don't get there overnight.

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