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Saturday, November 5, 2011

Hitting a Reset Button

Whatever happens on Monday night, I'm out of here Friday. Which means I have 5 days more here with Strider. And 2 of those she'll be out of town at meetings. Aside from leaving all the four-leggers that I love (except for Hildie, who's mine now) I'm gonna miss the hell out of her.

You see, I'm old now. Cynical, untrusting, unromantic as a salty dog. And Strider is a Great Believer. She doesn't think she's an optimist, but she's the most hardcore optimist I've ever known in my whole life. 10 years ago I wrote a poem about how her eternal faith in love leaves me bewildered. She has an incredibly brave heart because she won't ever give up looking and being open to love. And she's realistic and wary, but she's not a scoffer. Seeing things through her eyes has shown me a lot about where my head has gone in the last few years.

For instance, I watched "The Holiday" tonight. A movie I've seen before, with other people. When she started it I kinda zoned and dismissed it, because of who was there when I first watched it. Tonight I watched it with Strider and it was an entirely different movie, because of who I was with.

There are a lot of things like that; it all depends on who you're with when you do it.

Strider, again, has opened my eyes. Whoever said you only learn from your elders was a moron. Everyday, I learn things from Strider, or Carrie, or my niece or grandniece. Or anyone else from the younger sets. It isn't re-learning, it's resetting yourself. We get set in our attitudes and opinions as we live. Some of those are wrong to adopt. But you don't even know it until you get a chance to reset yourself.

So I'll go back to The Shire, maybe even Hobbiton, with a slightly pried-open mind toward romance now. It can happen. It happened once in my life. That died. But who's to say it can't happen twice? And who's to say love is too painful to try again? It's the best thing in life.

And maybe, just maybe, that's the best thing that's happened in this whole nightmare. Strider's fearless when it comes to trying to love. She's suffered a lot in love. A lot. Believe me. I've seen it. But she's never given up. My my, what a wise woman she is.

Hell's bells, I'm gonna miss her.


Anonymous said...

Thank God this isn't 50 years ago when you had to wait weeks for a letter and only afforded yourself one longdistance call a least you can talk to her every single day as often as you want. I know it's not the same as being there, but it's a lot better than it used to be. And'll be home.

Austan said...

Boy are you right, Lawless. Whoever thought we'd see a day when you could have unlimited long distance at a fixed price per month? Those calls used to be soooo pricey. I remember it was cheaper to call Brazil than Long Island from NYC in the 80s. And- perk- she'll have her escape home back.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I love what your said about "resetting yourself." That is so true. Life moves so fast and can become very frightening, so we find safety in our own little corner. Corners only collect dust, so why not put ourselves back out there in the center and take a chance in the hopes of new beginnings. There really is nothing to lose and much to be gained.

Austan said...

Arleen- You're right. There's so much to gain!

Allyson said...
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Allyson said...

so i'm in the garage reading this and crying and you are upstairs sleeping. i'm happy you still like my moody-ass little self. i'm not an easy girl to live with. :)

Austan said...

And now I'm in the living room crying and you're upstairs in bed. :) ah, you're easy for me to live with. Always were. You're the best there is.

Allyson said...