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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I've Seen All Good People

Inside me is a constant war. My instinct wants to hate- even destroy- those who show no love or compassion. It's a disgust response, like I have for John Boehner. I want to puke on them, tell them how completely detestable they are, send them from our planet. But somewhere inside is a voice that says, "That's what's wrong with them. Nobody ever loved them, and they don't know what love is." Then I wanna cry and smack them. And hug them close. Like a prodigal son. Against my better (?) judgment. What the Hell. Of course I know what sociopaths are, I've known plenty, growing up in NYC. Two of my good friends of youth are jailed for life for killing people. But they were good to me, for whatever that's worth. There are so many crossovers in life. Crossovers are hard to bear. What do you do when someone you have only known as good does terrible things? What does Boehner's wife think? We bond with like people, usually. It's the Tribal Urge. I'm trying to get past that. We really are all the same. Religion wouldn't start wars if we didn't care what others believe. That's real Freedom of Religion; not caring what anyone else believes. Evangelism kills. But then there's politics, and because politics is a reflection, or an excuse in most cases, of & for religions, people flavor "justice" and "equality" with it. But they're hypocrites from jump. I'm no exception. What I see as right is not what others see. I want freedom and justice for everyone. I want the needy to have all the help they need in this Most Rich and Powerful Nation on Earth. Gods help me, if I could , I'd jail or expell all those who don't see things as I do and don't care if anyone suffers because I think they suck. So I'm no better than them, because they'd jail or expell me if they could. But I'm trying. I know my fucked-upedness. And that I'm not unique. If I can't get past my own assholiness, how and why should I expect anyone else to get past their own? At the end of the day, our commonalities are so much more than our differences. If we could just go directly there... I really have to believe that people are good at heart; like I have to believe that good will overcome evil and that my gods occasionally pay attention; but that's what Anne Frank thought, too. So I guess I have to hold the line, and Don't let Them win. But everyone is someone else's Them. That's the problem. When will We just be We? Don't surround yourself with yourself. Keep trying.


Geo. said...

"Assholiness". Sometimes I run across a word I know will never leave me. In the short time I've followed your blog you've furnished several. "Assholiness"! I've felt it, endured it, even inflicted it but never articulated it. Thanks!

Austan said...

Hahahah! Blame my father for the created words. It's a family tradition. Thanks!