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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Autumn Morning in Maine

It's a chilly gray morning and it seems overnight the trees changed their clothes. What was uniform deep green yesterday is a variety of golds, oranges and reds in the diffused light today. The Fall flowers are muted colors- mauve, gold, a little yellow, a bit of red. Strider's touch is everywhere.

Following the meltdown two days ago, some changes set in me too. It's odd to be the one looked after. This isn't normal for me. It freaked me out. I'm a fixer. I like solving problems. There are people back home who need help and if I was there I'd be on the horn and networking like crazy. But here, I'm powerless. And all the projects, all the things half-done that I was in the midst of when Irene came to town, have to wait and so do I. I got a time out from Mother Nature.

Well, it gives me a new view on a few things. One is that I've forgotten how to play, or just be, as my friend Stevil pointed out very gently. Somewhere back in the self-help shrinkerizing decades was a deal about, "Be a Human Being, Not a Human Doing." Guess that has a value in life besides the groan it used to get from me. And that it's okay to need someone's help, to be on the receiving end. It's given me a whole new perspective there. It kinda wrecks it for the givers when you're not comfortable receiving. What givers want most is for you to be happy. And that it's good to goof off. I haven't just goofed off in a long time. And here's time to goof off and I immediately throw myself into work, which is fine, except that I apparently also need to put the whip down for a couple of days and just relax. I'm safe and beyond comfortable, I'm happy. I'm with one of the best people on Earth, somebody I love more than life, and with her incredible furfaces that are funny and sweet. I'm in a gorgeous place that I can't stop looking at. So why am I shoulding on myself?

Mother Nature is right, as always. People need time outs now and then, just to get back to being. And it's as good to receive as it is to give; don't spoil it for the giver. Maybe those are the lessons I needed to learn in this.


Anonymous said...

It's a hard one to learn. We all struggle with it. Maybe, in letting Strider give, you are giving to her. I know when I am allowed to do something for someone I always feel like I got a gift.

Austan said...

Exactly, Lawless. That's it in a nutshell.

CarrieBoo said...

A fine art, just being. I think you're in the right place. I must say, you're a quick melt-down recover-er. It must be that big brain of yours.

Austan said...

Oh CarrieBoo, I love you. Thanks for being there.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

You got it now! Just enjoy the moment - for that is all we really have.

I love your line about letting the giver give. It is a gift for both.

Beautiful post!


Austan said...

Arleen- it really is a gift to give and I think I was feeling guilty because I have a hard time being on the receiving end! You really never stop learning... Thanks.

annieoatcake said...

My nomination for your 'most beautiful' post :-) I enjoy you're style of writing almost as much as your attitude!

Austan said...

Aw, Annie, thank you.