Here Comes the Rain Again

Really not a chipper day. Though I've been pretty cool with it all til now, the pain and the inability to have the surroundings I need for comfort is wearing on me. How quickly I grew used to having a toilet seat not so close to the ground, a bed not on the floor, clear walkways where my walker and I weren't just squeaking thru a narrow passage, a comfortable chair and surfaces at the right height. Not to mention the constancy of me or my walker being in someone's way all the time. And the million things on the floor that make pushing a walker a strain around or over them is stressful and physically painful. Change is not good for a gimp.

I'm trying to stay cool. I really am. I'm so very lucky to have been taken in by kind people. But they can't understand and I can't expect them to. They're all able-bodied and it would be demanding and ungrateful to want them to change their environment for me. I don' even know how long I'll be displaced. 2 weeks? A month? 2 months? I'm not good with uncertainty. I just want to go home. It's been a week and a half and I just want to go home. I just want to go home.

I've sent an email to the housing folks offering to man phones there and call all the displaced daily to check on them, offer support, give them any news. It would help us all, I think, to keep constant communication and not just be left in limbo.

Forgive my failing humor and weakness. I guess the reality of what's happened has set in.

While my belongings were being loaded to go separate ways- a shared pod storage unit, 4 friend's homes- a man came up and asked if I'd be interested in moving to a private home under section 8 housing. That really hurt and pissed me off. I want my damned hobbit house back- it wasn't even really damaged, for christssakes. In better days I could've cleaned the fucking place up and been back by now. And that's the moment they choose to hit you with a sales pitch to get you out of council housing? When you're helplessly watching and worrying about everything you own being taken away? I was polite, but in my gut I was stabbing him in the heart.

Ah well, the happy face has slipped, maybe just for today. Perhaps it's the rain and the ridiculous amount of pain it brings. Perhaps it's being in a place where there's nothing I can do and I have no control and no choice but to be at the mercy of others. It is what it is. Better days are coming, and I hope I never take it for granted ever again.