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Monday, March 14, 2011

The Far Side of Detox

In the 7th week of kicking the opiates now. Most things are fine. My memory is recovering, there's no more dancing legs or bad sleep, really everything is pretty good except for the digestive tract which still isn't happy. And even with doing the PT I'm still weak. Along with the return of better circulation and sensation, I feel how weak my muscles get. So there's work to do. Like that's new.

The pain is sometimes breath-taking but that's all just mind over matter. Getting out of bed brought up the old internal dialogue of "Holy crap everything hurts." But so what? Pain is only as big as you allow it to be; if you give it a throne it'll rule you. If you acknowledge it without attaching emotion, it loses power. The only thing that pisses me off is how exhausted I am, but with Tommy's death and all the stress around that, I can't gauge anything by itself right now.

It's great to be clearer-headed now; it's beyond happiness to be free of the meds. The freedom is what I think I love most- no schedules, no issues, no "have-to"s and no side effects. I take an Aleve and 2 benadryl in the morning, and the same at night. And I have a life, under my control and on my terms, again.

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