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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Starting Over

My newly-widowed SIL is feeling lost. I sent her a copy of Auden's poem. It's hard to cover the whole range of what you go thru when your spouse dies, but Auden captures all the initial emotions. It's the post-funeral time, when everyone goes back to their lives, when the rest hits you. The silence. The space where someone always was and isn't anymore.

Since I couldn't be there for the funeral, I've decided to be there for her as much as possible when everyone goes back to their lives. Her son is leaving for the west coast tomorrow. It'll be just her and the dog. I remember what that was like. Even without the flattening grief, it's damn hard to start over after 25 years, or 5 years, of one relationship. With the grief, it's a friggin daunting challenge. She does have her health and she's pretty young- 46, I think. And Hell, she dealt with my brother for 25 years. She has inner resources.

My moving date is April 2. I can't get everything packed, switched and arranged in 10 days. More to the point, I won't. It's insanity to expect me to. They've kept me on a hook for 2 years; they can wait an extra week. Between detox and Tommy's death it's a wonder I'm not in a rubber room, so really everyone can have all the friggin fits they want and I'll just smile. Life is a short and dangerous thing. I'm saving my knicker-twists for the important things and bureaucracy isn't one of them.

So with Spring, we commence to start over.

Today would've been my Mom's 87th birthday. We miss ya, Ma.

And of course, it's snowing.

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