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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Noives

Amid the chaos that rules the times in both the world and my own life, I'm searching for something to help me stick together. These are seriously shaky days and it seems that the lack of opiates also has left some exposed nerves. Of course, the short script for alprazalam ran out long ago. So I'm exploring other things.

Chamomile? Not with "gravy ass", as Bart Brinkerhoff used to call it. Nor most of the sedating herbs, as they tend to have a laxative effect when made into decoction. Next.

Marijuana? Would probably be perfect, and might help my stomach, but it's still (unbelievably) illegal here.

Alcohol? I tried. I can't keep it down. For even ten minutes.

Melatonin. I've used it before as a sleep aid without problem, and studies are saying in small doses it is an anti-anxietal. Today is the first trial. Since you need to take everything with food when your stomach empties this quickly (in the hope of slowing things down), I've just taken it with some Chinese Porridge my new friend Jean made for me. (That was delicious, thanks Jean!!) I'll report back on how it goes. I have to find something to bring my stress level down. I don't want to shake. Or feel my heart pound. And I'm really disgusted with myself for being such a wuss. 7 weeks ago I was a Valkyrie. Now I'm pathetic. If I've gone thru all I've recently gone thru just to become a ball of nerves, I'll be Sohohoho Pissed Off.

Ah, anger. My personal redeemer. I'll be okay now.

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