Thru a lot of the last 6 weeks, I've kept my sense of humor, even getting back to almost normal. But some harsh realities have set in on this dark cold day, and I'm having a hard time right now. So I thought, "Time to write."
Somehow, my brother's imminent death didn't sink in til now. And I don't want to feel all this. We're at peace and good; we've been preparing for over a year. But I'm so not ready. I'm so tired and stressed right now. God. It'll leave just Billy and me, out of everyone.
A betrayal of friendship has me completely sick. I can't even talk about it.
The sand devils of hell that everyone around me is standing in scare me. There's nothing I can do to help them.
Mostly, I'm just getting back the whole range of feelings again. It's been years since I felt this heavy in heart. I'd completely forgotten what it was like. Now I know why Billy wants to keep his rose-colored glasses. The other side of the belly laugh is the heavy heart.
Grief comes out in as many ways as love.
Guess it's back to headphones and Zep til this passes.
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